I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
