he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
