Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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