I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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