What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
