if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
