I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
