last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
