Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
