my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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