My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
