so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
