Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
