I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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