My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
