Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
