Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
