my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
