definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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