um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
