i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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