His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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