Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
