I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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