I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
