Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
