My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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