i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
