May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
