On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
