All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
