He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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