apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
