I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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