your room smells of hookers.
And success
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
