i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
