I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm like, not good at living.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
