Where is the hickey?
thus making me awesome and them whores
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
