after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
