she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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