I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
