we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
