That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
