just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
