Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
