i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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