I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
