I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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