Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
