So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
